My Inner Country Girl Wants Out

I'm a city girl, born and raised, it's true.  However, deep down inside--waaaaaay down deep, deep, DEEP inside, in my heart of hearts--I've always known there was a country girl just itchin' to get out.

I've kept that girl pent up inside me for pert neert 40 years now; and it's gettin' pretty hard to contain her.

She's itchin' to roam the countryside, to search for that perfect piece of land on which to plant her roots.  I mean itchin'!  It's like somebody done snuck up in here and poured a whole bottle of itching powder down my drawers, no kiddin'!

For a long time now, I've been ready to shake the dust of this city off my boots and head on out to greener pastures.  Saddle up my painted pony and drive 'til I can't see another city light ta' save my soul.

I've gotta get outta the city!  I've just gotta!  It's got me seeing red, folks!  It's just no fun I tell ya, no fun a'tal.  When My Inner Country Girl Wants Out, she wants


O-U-T!  Out of the city!!!!!!

You might be asking yourself, "Why?  Why is it no fun?"

Well, because I wanna live in the country so da'gum bad, but I just can't get there.  Yet, that is.  I can't get there yet.  That's a very important word, that word yet.

My husband and I keep thinking maybe next year we'll be able to buy a country home.  Then another year passes and it's maybe the year after that or maybe in the next 6 years.

Six years. . . yeah. . . you know, when both the boys have graduated and have already missed the joys of growing up in the country.  This makes me sad, very, very sad.

Even still, we're always hopeful, always lookin' to next year, always saying maybe we'll get there, yet.

If there's one thing I've learned, I've learned to never give up hope.  But I have to tell ya, if my inner country girls' name is Hope, she's done just about given up on her dream.

Ever since I can remember, I've loved everything about the country.  From the big red barns, to the odiferous smells wafting through the air.

From the morning's quiet broken by a feisty rooster's cock-a-doodle doing, to the wide open spaces upon which to roam.

From the rhythmic sound of a tractor sputtering around the farm, to the chorus of farm animals springing to life after the night has gone.

All these lovely things I so adore and long to immerse myself and my children in.  They all seem so unattainable right now.

I keep telling myself, "It's never too late."  It's never to late for anything, NEVER!  But, I'm growing more and more anxious as we spend more and more days, weeks, months and years in the city.

The country has always been my escape.  Whether it be in my dreams or in real life.  I'd hop in the car at any given hour, roll down the windows (weather permitting) and just drive.  Leaving every city light behind me, until all I saw before me were blue skies or starry nights.

One winding road after another.  Often times, surrounded by corn fields, I'd stop by the side of the road and just breathe in the scent of the corn; and listen to its eerie moan.  I'd listen to the crickets chirp and the sound of cows baying in the distance.  It was wonderful, just wonderful!

When my kids were little, we spent many a days this way.  I'd whittle away the time exploring the countryside with my babies.  The boys didn't mind, they just enjoyed another of mommies' traveling adventures.

We'd stop at little parks in the middle of nowhere, play for awhile, eat our sack lunches and then head home again.  It always relaxed them.  By the time we'd get back home, they'd both be out like lights.

Some of my more frugal friends might be rolling their eyes and seeing green, at the thought of the amount of gas I waisted on these little jaunts.  Especially, since gas prices are foremost in everyone's minds, as of late.  

But, I didn't think about that then.  Though, admittedly, I probably should have.  I was just trying to quiet my longing heart and silence that strong desire to flee the city--by wandering off to the country.

I could actually feel a calm come over me as I'd leave the sound of traffic, sirens, honking horns, booming rap music; and everything else associated with the city behind.  If I weren't driving I'd say that I could've been fast asleep, lost in my own country dream.

So how CAN this country girl at heart, STILL be living the city?  That's a very good question, that I fully intend upon getting an answer too. . . ASAP. . .  I just have to figure it out.

Then I can breathe life into my inner country girls' dream again!

A Discontent Town Mouse

I read Town Mouse, Country Mouse, by: Jan Brett today.

While I was reading the story, it reminded me of my need to be content.  Content with all that God has given me, whether it be in the town or in the country.

I also need to remember, there will always be things to fear, things to miss and new things to get used to.  This simple concept can be a challenge for me at times.  Especially when I'm in the grasp of discontentment.  Today was such a day.

I am trying to find my contented heart.  But, it has eluded me once again.

I crawled out of bed feeling very dissatisfied.  I felt like A Discontent Town Mouse, longing to be a country mouse.

"I need a vacation," said the town mouse to his wife.  "Let me take you to see the countryside where I was born.  Life is quiet and peaceful there.  The sun shines brightly every day, and the air is so clear that you can see the stars at night. . ."

Doesn't that passage sound wonderful?  I think so!  I've always wanted to live in the country.  As a little girl, I remember voicing my dislike for city life on numerous occasions.  My parents were very patient with me.  However, my childish ramblings made no difference in our living arrangements.  As a matter of fact, they still live in the same house I grew up in; smack dab in the middle of the city!

. . . they heard the town mouse exclaim: "This is the life!  Wildflowers, spring peepers.  If only we lived here!"

I can hear myself exclaiming the very same things!  You would think--having married a man who desires to live in the country too--that I would already be well established in my country mouse life.  Yet another desire, stronger than my desire to live in the country, prevailed.  It was my desire to stay close to family.

My husband, being the gentle, self-sacrificing man that he is, settled to live in the city so that I could be close to my family.  When your hearts desires conflict, discontentment can never be far away.

The country mice crept out.  "You like it here?" they asked.  "Why, we've always wanted to live in a town house." . . . "Why don't we trade houses?" said the town mouse.  "Would you?" asked the country mouse . . . "We'll leave right away," she said.  As they said good-bye, each of the mice thought that they had the better part of the bargain.

How I would love to trade houses with a family that lives in the country!  Our home is downtown, in the heart of the city.  Right in the middle of all the hustle and bustle.  Sirens 24/7, speeding cars racing down our narrow two lane street, booming music from the cars cruising the neighborhood--doing God only knows what, fighting from the rental properties across the way, not to mention all the lights that drown out the beautiful night sky.

Our neighborhood has changed considerably since we moved in, 7 years ago.  I think that's part of why I have grown so discontent with being a town mouse.  Living in the urban jungle just doesn't appeal to me--and never has really.  I'm definitely ready to pack up and move to the country.  The city is wearing me down so, that the thought of a little drive to visit family is looking more and more appealing everyday.

. . . The sun had come out, and everything was glistening and green.  "It is beautiful here," said the town mouse's wife.  "We should try to enjoy it."

In the end, the town mice go back to the city and the country mice go back to the country.  Neither wishing to live anywhere else but home.

Unlike the story, I'm fairly certain I would be content in the country and willing to leave the city life behind me!  The thought of it had me lost in the most beautiful daydream.

I found myself walking through bountiful vegetable gardens, fragrant flower patches and green meadows drenched in golden sunshine; as the sun peered over a big red barn.

My mind was full of wonderful sounds of farm life.  I could hear the mooing of cows, as they roamed the countryside searching for the perfect patch of grass.  The sound of hungry pigs, oinking profusely in eager anticipation of slop time.   The synchronized clucking of chickens pecking the ground for a bit of feed.  Then, off in the distance, the proud cock-a-doodle-do of the resident rooster; boldly announcing the break of dawn.

As I wandered farther into my dream, I heard the rustle of the trees, the sway of the grass and the eerie whisper of the corn fields.

As my mind was lost in the sights and sounds of country living, I began to imagine the smells of country life as well.  I could almost smell the scent of lilacs mingled with the mellow fragrance of freshly mowen hay; and the often sobering smell of manure.  My farm girls heart was delighted and I could sense it all in my mind's eye.  What a lovely daydream it was, until I opened my eyes.

Back to reality and the challenge before me to find my contented heart once again.  To let go of the daydream and seek to enjoy reality.  For my life is so blessed and I am so very happy; despite my hearts unwavering country desire.

In the words of Jane Austen:

"I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve."

Even greater still is the following Bible verse:

1 Timothy 6:6 - "But godliness with contentment is great gain."